Dad Jokes 2025

What kind of shoes do frogs always choose?

I built an ATM that only spits out coins.

I once told a story about mushroom foraging.

Two slices of bread went out on a date.

Ever notice crabs never volunteer for anything?

I played a strangely quiet game of tennis today.

You know what sharks love to shout?

Right before the race, one slice of bread warned the other.

I poured some water over a duck's back yesterday.

I realized my girlfriend thought I was invading her privacy.

I was about to crack a joke about the layoffs.

What's the toughest "tea" to swallow?

Why did the calendar-company employee get fired?

I grew up as an only child.

Never date a tennis player.

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving.

Being a mom is hard.

My dog just ate a $100 bill.

The guy who stole my diary went missing.

What did the cow say to the leather chair?

I'm genuinely worried about my calendar.

My wife told me to start doing lunges to stay in shape.

Singing in the shower is great… until you get soap in your mouth.

What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?

What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?

How do you follow Will Smith through the snow?

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes.

How does dry skin affect you at work?

What do you call a factory that makes just-okay products?